- 1 grapefruit
- 1 slice whole wheat toast
- 1 cup skim milk
- 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
- 1 cup spinach
- 1 cup herbal tea
- 1 Hershey’s kiss
- 1 The rest of the in the bag
- 1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips
- 4 glasses of wine (red or white)
- 2 loaves garlic bread
- 1 family size supreme pizza
- 3 Snickers Bars
Late Night Snack
- 1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.
Thanks to my friend, Kathleen, for forwarding this one…
For lovers of good writing, these are the 10 winners of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton contest — AKA “Dark and Stormy Night Contest.” It is offered by the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) “As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.”
9) “Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.”
8 ) “With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.”
7) “Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: ‘Andre creep…Andre creep.. Andre creep.’”
6) “Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.”
5) “Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.”
4) “Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.”
3) “Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.”
2) “Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death — in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.”
AND THE WINNER IS…..
1) “The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog’s deception, screaming madly, ‘You lied to me!”
This one’s for my fellow “history buffs” — 🙂
The other day, I was getting the girls a slurpee on a hot, Saturday afternoon. While stopping in the local hand wash & 7-11 (named thus due to the former hours of operation)…an elderly man sat at a bistro set, presumably, waiting for his car to be washed. Or a ride (hopefully) when one considered the size of his glasses.
In any case, this man openly ogled young girls as they bopped by in their tiny shorts, saying “Hello, sir!” back to him, and giggling. Must be nice to reach that age where you can flirt and be flirted with, with no thought to nerves or inadequacy! It also made me think what such a man — probably hedging close to 90 — has seen change in his day and age. Think cars, computers, phones, internet, mobile devices — then think answering machines, telephones, radio, television… it’s mind blowing.
But, let’s talk archaeological terms: Technically, if it’s over 40 years old, it can be classified as a historical object. (I can say this with confidence, as I’ve got a few years left to be younger than an object you can place in a museum!)
That being said! Here are some doosies from 1955…just passed on to my by my FIL. Enjoy…
‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are,
it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.
‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?
It won’t be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.
‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.
‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter
‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.
‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon.
Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.
‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.
‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .
‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball?
It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.
‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.
They are even making electric typewriters now.
‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women
are having to work to make ends meet.
‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone
to watch their kids so they can both work.
‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.
‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes.
I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend,
it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.
‘No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’
‘If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.’
🙂 Have a wonderful day! and go hug a senior citizen.
Okay, so I had to share this with you all – as the honesty of kids floors me on a regular basis. Take Ellie, who told me the other day she had Jesus in her heart, and was wondering how he could get out!
Anyway, here is a chain mail I got today… enjoy the read…
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
— Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
— Lori, age 8
5.WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
— Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– – Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– – Howard , age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. — Anita, age 9
8.HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
— Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is………
9.HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck . — Ricky, age 10
Thanks, to my friend Skhye Moncrief – now it’s officially official. My compartments I’ve diligently organized for myself (see post from this morning, below!) now look exactly like the top of my desk, counter, bar, and kitchen table. 🙂 Still, this is my life. I’m from Mercury. Where in the universe are you from?
You Are From Mercury
You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable – and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You’re witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends’ ears off, and temper your need to know everything.