It was a dark and stormy night…

Thanks to my friend, Kathleen, for forwarding this one…

For lovers of good writing, these are the 10 winners of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton contest — AKA “Dark and Stormy Night Contest.” It is offered by the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.

10) “As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.”

9) “Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.”

8 ) “With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.”

7) “Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: ‘Andre creep…Andre creep.. Andre creep.’”

6) “Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.”

5) “Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.”

4) “Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.”

3) “Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.”

2) “Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death — in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.”

AND THE WINNER IS…..

1) “The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog’s deception, screaming madly, ‘You lied to me!”

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About Ashley Ludwig

Ashley Ludwig is an Editor for Patch News, Orange County and Los Angeles. She is also an inspirational romantic suspense author.

4 responses to “It was a dark and stormy night…”

  1. MarthaE says :

    Ha- those are all rather dreadful but the #1 gets an “UGH!” from me! You need to share these! May I tell my friends at SaSR and RJR to check this out???

  2. Ashley Ludwig says :

    Please do!

    AND if we have any zingers among us, I’d say – feel free to add! 🙂

  3. Rachel Rossano says :

    LOL I can’t stop laughing at them. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  4. Ashley Ludwig says :

    My pleasure, Rachel! Glad to know you…

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